Thinking too hard may not help

| Alpha Rev - Sing Loud |

Standing in a field of voices
Find shelter from the blame
Even if you think it’s all over
I’ll be here till the colors fade
I’ll be here till your dying day

The closer I’ve gotten to God the better (and harder) things have become.  I used to think I was lucky because I never had BAD things happen to me - I had a very even-keeled life that often times i regretted because I didn’t feel like i did enough GOOD with the gifts and the time I was given.

It’s different now though.  It feels like I’m on the battlefield.  Making great strides, facing greater adversity.  In all walks of my life it’s tougher.  But I think that’s the reason…the more you fight for Him, the more resistance you’ll hit.  Because I’m off the sidelines, being player on the spiritual battlefield, you are targeted. 

It’s important to realize we aren’t who we were, but what we are.  And that is who God loves and embraces.  Who God strengthens and supports.  In that…we aren’t alone.  No matter how tough the battle, how steep the mountain, how miney the minefield, God is with us.

Times won’t be all sunshine and lollipops, and my life certainly hasn’t been.  But, it’s better than wishing for a better life; It’s living one.  One day at a time.

| Avett Brothers - Murder In The City |

Make sure my sister knows I love her
Make sure my mother knows the same
Always remember there was nothing worth sharing
Like the love that let us share our name

"Goals are dreams that have a plan. Goals get done. Dreams don’t get done."

Penelope Trunk - Don’t be a dreamer, be a planner (http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2013/01/11/dont-be-a-dreamer-be-a-planner/)

| Radical Face - Welcome Home |

Goals for the week:

• Be in bed by 11:30PM every night.
• Read my Bible and pray before breakfast at least 3 times this week.

Let’s try this.  Here’s to 2013.

| The Avett Brothers - Head Full of Doubt / Road Full of Promise |

When nothing is owed or deserved or expected
And your life doesn’t change by the man that’s elected
If you’re loved by someone, you’re never rejected
Decide what to be and go be it

“Head Full Of Doubt/Road Full Of Promise” was written about the temporary nature of our buildings and our mentality,” says Scott Avett. “Accepting the temporary state we may be in. (Artist) Jason (Ryan Mitcham) with his landscape paintings, and some that I’d seen that he’d animated, dealt with the temporary nature of the world around us.”

Rather than make a bunch of different paintings for the animation, Mitcham gradually altered a single painting 26-hundred times. Ten alterations to the painting equaled one second of film.

One of my new favorite artists.  Thanks Pandora!

"Everyone is dying for something. Money, busyness, success, control, etc. However, the key question we need to ask ourselves is what are we dying for?"

JCTROIS

| Xavier Rudd - Messages |

So hold nice and close
The ones who get to your soul
So that when it is cold
You wont feel so alone
Cause the roads that you take
May just crack and break
With the changes you will confront

My life feels like a whirlwind of change.  And it’s exciting, yet scary.  I couldn’t have done this without the advice, brotherhood, support, prayer and strength of all those in my life.

The theme of the Men’s retreat I went on was Ecclesiastes 4:9-10.

⁹Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.¹⁰ If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.

We have the choice of the type of person we want to be.  Changing for the better, away from the comfort of the familiar, isn’t easy.  But, thankfully, we weren’t made to make these transitions, these journeys, these battles alone.  Relationships, friendships, fellowship…the point of all those is to connect, collaborate, and lift each other in trying times.  I am so thankful for the people in my life that have shouldered me when I was down and lost…now it’s my job to push on and return the favor.

| The Helio Sequence - Keep Your Eyes Ahead |

Couples new rules to change the game:

• No video games for 4 months (February 1st, 2013)
• No more than 1 drink per night, for the rest of my life
• No sleeping later than 11:30PM
• Journal daily
• Live for Him above all others, including myself (probably going to fail on this one a couple times, but that’s the goal)

It’s not about being perfect, it’s about looking forward and trying to be a better person.  Stumble or fall, get up and keep going. 

There are no guarantees, and nothing is concrete.  But by His will, and his Grace, we can achieve far more than we believe.  But I won’t stop.  And I can’t stop. 

This is my story, and I choose the type of man I am going to be.

| Mumford & Sons - After The Storm |

Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won’t rot, I won’t rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won’t rot.

Yeah I’m all over this band right now.  Perfect mood music for this time in my life.

Big Plans and Gideon

Foreword: If you’re gonna TL;DR this, cool.  God has blessed me immeasurably, and I am eternally grateful.  These last 6 months have been a transformation.  There have been some happenings in my life that required me to keep a tight lid, but I wanted to share…

Yesterday a man I’ve seen but never known looked me in the eyes, put his hand on my knee, and told me “God has big plans for you.  Have you been told that before?”  The truth is yes…God told me to stay at my old job when I wanted to quick, work my butt off, and I have been blessed with a new one.  God has reminded me, blessed me, and shown his grace and his love but I struggle to remember in tough times.

It’s barely been a week at my new job and I’m nervous.  Of failing, of not being good enough, of not being popular and fitting in.  I’ve been stressed, self-conscious, and frustrated because my coworkers are amazing, smart, and witty.  Intimidating to say the least.

One of my Bible study books interestingly interpreted the story of Gideon:

Then the angel of the Lord told Gideon that God was going to use him to take out the Midianites.  Gideon didn’t believe a word of it.  So the Lord told Gideon “Go in the strength you have… Am I not sending you?” (Judges 6:14)

Now, that was a confusing command to Gideon in the midst of his frustrations.  But that’s usually the way the Lord speak to us.  When we’re down in a pit.  He almost never begins with the thing that’s bothering us the most. […]  The Lord wasn’t speaking to Gideon about where he was as much as He was pointing out where Gideon was going to be.  And that was crucial information, because only a sense of destiny will enable us to be people of integrity when the tough times come.

[…] But that’s the point, isn’t it?  God challenged Gideon to understand God’s purpose in the midst of his frustration.

6 months ago my life was completely different.  I used to be afraid of kids and now I’m teaching them weekly.  I’ve learned more about who I am and why I am the way I am, which isn’t always easy.  New situations, new people, and most importantly new and renewed relationships.  The most real and fulfilling relationships of my life.

God is challenging me because He believes I can handle it.  And I won’t let Him down.  God is challenging me to become the man I need to be.  And I have to.  His love, His grace, and His mercy (as Gus says) I am working to accept, and by accepting and obeying do I allow the blessings in.

I’m not here to convince you or sell you anything.  I’m not perfect and have made mistakes (and still making mistakes).  I just have my story.  And if you’re willing to listen, I’d love to tell you sometime.  He has big plans for each of us and He has changed my life for the better; maybe He can transform yours.